a video that i made after seeing a podcast episode titled ‘nobody is coming to save you’.
- a vlog, short film, philosophy, poetry and art encapsulated in the lens of life, all rolled into one.

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love, blessings and light,

Claudia.

all this talk of “embracing uncertainty” is left to live in its remains of redundancy until we are capable of actually being a foot beyond okay with not knowing the inevitable placement of that next step.

because, now, i can live here.
fully.
wholly.
in my doubt, only…
it is no longer mine.

and what a beautiful thing:
to no longer try to rid yourself of the doubt that just won’t shake its leaves no matter how much you yearn for autumn to end and liminality to finally draw to a close as a period of darkness encloses.

to acknowledge that it no longer belongs to you is a freedom available only to those who no longer want to live in the grips of mistrust.
because, though we might say it at any given opportunity, we only mean it once we go through with it - the shedding, that is.

to be secretly in love with your doubt is a love, unrequited like no other. to let it go is to finally give it the freedom it has only ever craved from taking up space in your being.
to realise that, it never willed to control you but only to explore your inner workings; void of mal-intent despite your arising suspicion, it only wants to see how you tick.

this is a promise, for the sake of myself, to let doubt illuminate the pathway that leads into the unclear of uncertainty: no longer a dark and gloomy alleyway but now a trail of stepping stones - and only the one upon which i am standing exists.

Love, blessings and light,

Claudia.

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you’ve heard the cliché spewed from the mouth’s of everyone and his dog that beauty is everywhere. we all know it, but i wonder whether we all feel it. because i do. i know i do. and sometimes it causes an ache in me so severe that it feels as though my chest cannot contain my heart and, if this emotion does not partake in a ritual outpouring of its entirety, a part of me will be left to float, bereft, at sea, never to be found again.

so you can understand my pondering.

does everyone truly see beauty in everything? because i do.

in these moments i feel the world whispering solemnly unto my surrendered soul:
lead on, lead on, i’ll come.*

and, so, on i lead. i feel blind as a bat, i feel like i’m about to fall - not just once but over, and over, and over, again. and, at the same time, i feel completely weightless. no heaviness leaning over me, no tightness pursuing me.

in that moment, i hear the whisper return in what only can be described as a chariot of grace; an invisible strength that transpires into a softness that my soul has never otherwise experienced:
i’ll take you home when you feel too heavy,
i’ll hold your chest when you cannot breathe…**

because, in these times, i only want to lean back and let go. control cannot become a part of my identity here, because beauty surrounds me and i must express it.
, in these times, all that makes its courageous way into my field must sign a contract, obliging it, too, to surrender total control and let my being take it wherever it is going.

you see, beauty makes my heart wobble.

it makes me feel like i have wings that are about to soar and take on a life separate to me; only i, too, will look up and rise to meet them because in me resides a fervour so desperately unshakeable. if remained unexposed, it won’t explode, it will simply shrivel and die a cold death of detachment. no need to unclip its wings because it never got the chance to fly into unknown territory.
and yet, if exposed, it will certainly explore the heavens above. its life will be bountiful and uncertain and there is no doubt in the totality of this abundant universe that it will not live an eternity of fullness and satisfaction…
albeit riddled with its unavoidable fallacy of misplaced potential.
wherever it goes, it will always miss out on something.
and this will plague its existence from dusk until dawn, for the very definition of ever.

alas, this is the price to pay. it’s a worthily unique one for the unfathomable experience of life that it brings.

and i will choose to live in its scope of forever.

Love, blessings and light,

Claudia.

poetry inspired by the lyrics to Logan and Isabel’s original song: ‘Stay For The Summer’
:

Love, blessings and light,

Claudia.

in today's longer episode we're talking about a powerful scene from the series The Chosen, entitled 'Matthew 4:24'. we also read the whole of Psalm 119 (which is, in part, the reason for its extensiveness!)

the reason that this scene stuck with me, and why i felt compelled to record a whole episode about it, is because Jesus appears once: at the very end. whilst this scene is inspired by a verse in the Bible (where Jesus is out all day in Syria healing the sick - and anyone and everyone), the show uses its artistic license to portray Jesus' disciples arguing amongst one another, whilst He is out, about who is more worthy of being called by Him. when Jesus returns, His humanity is apparent; He is exhausted beyond human comprehension and in this moment we are reminded - He is more human than we could ever conceive... And He is... God.
needless to say, whatever your personal beliefs about that, there's a deeper lesson for all of us that i explore in this episode - that is equally humbling as it is empowering and encouraging for us when it comes to working out, (as we all do, day-in, day-out) how to live our lives to the fullness of our humanity, in service to others and in search of living earnestly.

connect with me. ⁠

love, blessings and light,

Claudia.

today's episode was inspired by musings i had written down after meditating on Proverbs 18, as well as a little raw catch-up/re-introduction.

a huge takeaway from this episode, after re-reading these notes i had made some months ago, was that all that needs to happen in order to divert from God, whether that's His will, prayer life, or being in constant connection with Him, is for me to divert even the smallest amount of attention in my periphery to the apparent (and false) fruits of searching for validation from anything that lies outside of that in-dwelling place wherein only God can reside.

my birthday episode.

(i apologise for the sound feedback on this episode - i don’t have my mic stand with me and am recording on my main podcasting microphone for overall better sound quality, so i’m navigating how to properly hold it without the stand for optimal listening! thank you for being patient with me. x)

⁠connect with me. ⁠

love, blessings and light,

Claudia.

something in me tells me that 2026 is going to be the year of radical honesty. as i turned 28 earlier this month, i thought i’d share the annual birthday video that i make for myself, with you. i’ve been doing this consistently for three years in a row and ⁠last year’s was shared to youtube⁠, but this is the first year of putting it on the podcast.

enjoy the raw, realness of this unfiltered episode, and i wish for it to inspire you to connect to your vulnerability in whatever way your spirit is calling you towards right now...

⁠connect with me.⁠

love, blessings and light,

Claudia.

Funny that, a crack in the clouds can really be the confirmation that you were, indeed, going crazy.

(it wasn’t all in your imagination!)

There’s something about a new day, when you take that first sip of freshly brewed morning air, before your eyes even dare to wander up, something inside that tells you… the grey is fleeting! But you give it a moment, before you confirm, in case this was just wishful thinking, or your mind is playing tricks on you.

Remember that it was never in your imagination!

Because what can be imagined with a visceral clarity and vividness sometimes starker than what can be witnessed with ones own, breathing eyes, is as real as anything. And that crack in the clouds… You already knew it was there, staring right at you, piercing into the softness of your heart hardened by thick, looming, grey cloud.

How long did those days even last?

When the sun comes out and overstays his welcome, you’ll be complaining again.
Complaining of its predictability, of the lack of poetic aura that encompassed the uncertain rouse of a sky blanketed in melancholia.
Complaining… Of its audacity to rob you of your capacity to weep tears of joy alongside the pouring rain. Of its audacity to rob you of your capacity to see through the thick haze of mist and find the single dew drops and microscopically analyse them using only your own mind. Of its audacity to rob you of your capacity to uncover a depth of beauty unfathomable to your comprehension up until this dull, grey moment.

How can all of these things exist at once?

I don’t know, but the crack in the clouds is swiftly approaching.

Perhaps we miss the grey because we can finally see it leaving. Witness to its transit; where it goes, we don’t know. They say that the blue skies always exist underneath the sweeping grey, no matter how thick its blanket or thin its veil. But where does the grey go? What is behind the blue? Where do the shades of darkness come from? I don’t know if I’ve ever even wondered this, but it could be why its parting evokes in me the pursuit of what lies behind. For, when we see the dregs of grey emerge, we never once wonder from where it came or what gave way to its emergence. We simply see it as this figure of loom, a block of dread that exists in its stark shape or not at all; there is no flow, no leeway and it holds no notion of an in-between.

but, perhaps, it does…

And I am only just seeing it now, as there’s a crack in the clouds and I finally have a blinding glimpse of what lays behind, though I know I may never live to see what lies behind the crack, becomes…

~ claudia.

lately, i have been wondering ~ what, is the point.

And I know how bleak that sounds.

But, if honesty is not at the forefront of the life that we live, day in, day out, then what do we have driving us?

In earnestness, I go through waves that feel tidal.
My life is a constant roller-coaster - sometimes just that: coasting ; but always, no matter its state of motion, awaiting the stomach-churning drop and the slow, chugging rise back up to the top.

and it’s seldom a day goes by where this state of wondering does not define the state of my mind.

Don’t get me wrong, I love life.

i experience beauty in the most mundane of moments; i feel the bitterness of grief and the sharpness of regret, unbounded joy and its holy repercussions, the solemnity of melancholy and the poetic trail it leaves behind.
i adore life to its core.

to its brittle bones and in the resilience it displays to grow them stronger.

but i find living in it… hard.

and admitting that makes me softly cry, a crack that opens for the tidal wave to slowly, inevitably, sweep in. but that admittance, is what grants the wave enough room to eventually trickle through; is what stops it from swarming through in a tide of uncontrollable weeping, that surpasses even the state into which it was born and the environment in which it grew.

So, I answered my own question.

I Can Be Truthful.

and i want you to know ~ that difficulty that you experience, in confessing the depths of your spirit aloud, in sharing an ounce of your weight with the world that doesn’t yet know if it can handle it… equates not to the level of honesty with which you live in your daily life.

And I know how confusing that sounds to those who don’t understand.

But, if honesty is not at the forefront of the life that we live, day in, day out, then what do we have driving us?

~ claudia.

today, we’re closing off this Advent season by reading Luke, Chapters Twenty-Three and Twenty-Four.

stay tuned for the final “omnibus” of chapters 19-24 this sunday on the podcasts, wherever you listen! and i’ll see you in the new year.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

today, we’re reading Luke, Chapters Twenty and Twenty-One.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

whether you’re a cradle Christian or agnostic; recently born again or spiritually-inclined; an atheist or belonging to a different religion; theologically-minded, or simply curious... i can assure you that this series is for you, and that you will have something to gain out of it, no agenda included.

there are twenty four days of Advent and the Gospel of Luke has twenty four chapters.

on substack, we are reading through one chapter every day, monday through saturday, and so there will be no podcast episode as usual on sunday. if you’re listening on a streaming platform - spotify, apple, or wherever you get your podcasts - then you’ll receive one full episode (all 6 chapters long) every sunday, for the next four weeks, taking us through the season of Advent and up to the end of December.

listen to sunday’s full reading (Luke chapters 13-18) here on spotify, here on apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

today, we’re reading Luke, Chapter Eighteen.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

today, we’re reading Luke, Chapter Seventeen.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

today, we’re reading Luke, Chapter Sixteen.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

today, we’re reading Luke, Chapter Fifteen.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

today, we’re reading Luke, Chapter Fourteen.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

whether you’re a cradle Christian or agnostic; recently born again or spiritually-inclined; an atheist or belonging to a different religion; theologically-minded, or simply curious... i can assure you that this series is for you, and that you will have something to gain out of it, no agenda included.

there are twenty four days of Advent and the Gospel of Luke has twenty four chapters.

on substack, we are reading through one chapter every day, monday through saturday, and so there will be no podcast episode as usual on sunday. if you’re listening on a streaming platform - spotify, apple, or wherever you get your podcasts - then you’ll receive one full episode (all 6 chapters long) every sunday, for the next four weeks, taking us through the season of Advent and up to the end of December.

listen to sunday’s full reading (Luke chapters 7-12) here on spotify, here on apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

today, we’re reading Luke, Chapter Twelve.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠

today, we’re reading Luke, Chapter Eleven.

love, blessings and light,

⁠Claudia.⁠